My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
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It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again