When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Sorry my hands just texted you
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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