It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
