Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
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i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
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I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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