I am in a vortex of obligation.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
