Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
