I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
