Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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