Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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