dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
