I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
