i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
