I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
