I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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