I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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