When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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