I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
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