thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize