I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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