DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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