i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
