You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
