Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
