My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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