Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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