Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I am naked and annoyed.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
