Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My day in three words: secret purse cake
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
