My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
