nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
