Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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