I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
