The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
