last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
