How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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