My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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