i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
