Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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