I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
