Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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