the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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