he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
