I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
