We named our party play list daddy issues
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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