I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
