I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
