There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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