I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
someone owes me an orgasm
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We left an ass print on the piano.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
