Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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