a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
