just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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