I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
