he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
