Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
