ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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