dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
