we made out on top of his cat.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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