My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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