Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
