I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
