I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
