turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
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i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize