I just cut my nipple shaving
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
