I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
