soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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