There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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