when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
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She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
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By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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