Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
No I am not eating basil off your cock
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
