All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
