Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
