today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
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After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
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I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
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