I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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