I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
