he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You did what with his pubic hair?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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